Find Help, Find Hope!

New Blog Post By Emily Braun – March 22, 2018

When the days seem long, and the nights are restless, the mind aches for distraction or escape while the body aches from mental brutality or physical pain. Curbing the craving of a getaway is common and vital to do wisely. I understand what it’s like to look at the mirror and need a vacation or be in pain and just want to be lifted out of the body or think too much and want to punch a wall. Eventually, whether pain started mental or not, it ends up getting to your thoughts and you need to escape. Often the pain inflicted on the mind can spiral all the way down to suicidal thoughts. No kids, death is not the answer. Not all people may believe in the same way that man and woman appeared on the planet, but we are all here now—here and able to create and fulfill purpose. Mental illness can take away any willful and futuristic determination to fulfill any purpose. Many ask, “What’s the point? Why me? Why be on the planet if I’m not happy?” No one ever said we couldn’t be happy. Our brains just decided to make it a little harder than others without mental illness. I guess that makes our skin a little tougher, too. However, no two people are alike. This means two people’s mental illnesses may not be exactly alike or treated the same way, so find YOUR specific happy and healthy place. It may take a while to find out what truly works to ease or distract the mind in the moments of wishing to give it all up. Remember though, you don’t want to give away your whole life. You just want to rid the pain. It’s possible—baby steps. We are all wearing different shoes. We can do our best to step into each other’s shoes, but sometimes the understanding and success in making them feel better lacks. Time and ability to create personal happiness and peace is essential for all. Let me take you on a poetic vacation to my happy place of writing. Hopefully this gives more insight on the importance of healthy escapism at a personal level.

Escape by: Emily Braun

Lifted.

Free.

Safe.

The emergency exit

That sings a soft triumphant glow

As every aching bruise suddenly heals.

Temporary—

Like a tattoo

Because some punches

Purple, black, or blue

Are permanent,

Cutting deeper

Than the average corner parlor.

It’s a maze of the mind

That nobody else can get to.

I am separated by pain

But sorrow isn’t always so sinister.

Sometimes it’s your closest friend

Or should I say most present, most apparent

Because I’m consumed by scars.

 

The red lights are flashing

There are sirens in my head,

But each of our colors are so different.

I’m the only one able to mute it.

I’m the only one able to hear it.

 

Get ready in your jumpsuit

And I in mine.

There’s no room for two.

Graciously,

We can reach out our hands

Grab on to one another.

I’ll be your shoulder to cry on,

But sometimes there’s only one

Safe place.

 

I know what you’re thinking.

This is not a suicide note.

The devil is tormenting you,

Yet God is not ready for you.

 

When the band-aids

Are wrinkled and dirty

And the makeup fades away

From the bruises

Hit escape.

EMERGENCY EXIT.

It’s okay.

Right now,

I need me and

You need you.

 

My savior in my hand

Jesus Christ in pencil format

With musical melodies

Drowning out the monsters

Of my mind.

I’m standing

At the front of a room

All eyes on me

And because I’m not playing the role

Of the girl with a headache

And a heartsore

a hot sense of humor

with a handful of white roses,

I can be at peace.

 

For moments at a time

I can release the pressure

As other people walk by

Living as if problems don’t exist

And heaven is their hometown.

 

Finally, I am home.

It’s the out of body experience

That doesn’t need a worldwide epidemic

Since I didn’t use

A needle

A noose

A note.

 

There’s more to me than pain.

This is my magic power.

I can be a firefighter, advocate, or preacher,

Putting out the fire in my head

Not the fire in my eyes.

 

In a moment more,

The world turns back on.

I reapply the makeup

As the bruises reappear.

I step into my tired eyes

And fear studded stilettos.

I put my notebook in my pocket.

Sometimes I want to write a love note

That I’m too oxygen less to read aloud

Or a death temptation that I keep

From slipping off my tongue.

 

I’ve seen hope first hand.

It’s called a better place,

My safe place.

We all have one—

A reachable, reasonable, no- one- left- behind,

Kind of place

Where sun shines

And the body feels noticed in endless happiness.

An out of body experience

Because sometimes it’s hard being me.

You wouldn’t know my story.

You’re busy trying to be you.

You can read it all you’d like.

I’m willing to trade books a while,

But it’ll come time

To hit the escape button—

Escape pod activated,

Emergency exit found.

Peace be with you

Boys and girls.

You can breathe now.

Out of your aching body,

Your soul feels home.

Honey, Emily dear,

This is the real you,

This is your happy place.

You’re home.

Whether it be walking, sipping coffee with friends, reading a book, painting, exercising, doing science experiments, or watching a ballgame, find a happy place that works for you. You’ll be one step closer to loving your life, loving you. Your mental illness is not who you are.

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